So it turns out, as I learn every time I reach some significant sadness, that there is quite an obvious way to snap out of it.
Recent misery has been, y’know, pretty overwhelming. Relentless. It occured to me on my walk this morning, as even my most powerful purposeful marching along the canal couldn’t shake it, that the force of the current unhappiness might have reached that bit of my heart where all the other bits of sadness had been carefully packed away, for the last four years in fact -that would make sense – and these dormant creatures of gloom had been woken up and were sleepily saying, ‘Oh we’re doing sadness? We’ve got tears? Me too! Me too! Let me get a piece of that shit!’ And they all clambered eagerly on the miserable, crowded, teardrenched bandwaggon of gloom. Which was getting heavy.
And so, along the muddy grit of the canal path this morning, I went back to meet them again, which is never much fun. (Thank you canal for being utterly deserted this morning.) It turned out to be a surprisingly helpful exercise because most of the gutwrenching pieces of sorrow are made up of the fierce and illogical emotions of a frightened abandoned little 6 year old. And once you start to ask that 6 year old what excatly she’s so sad about, she realises she doesn’t make any sense because mummy and daddy have come back now, little one, and she’s actually ok now.
Oh right.
And it was genuinely like that shaky breath a child makes when she’s finished crying. Which is accompanied by a hug and a smile through a bleary face full of snot and tears.
At which point I had fortunately arrived at the Tesco Metro in Bowerhill where I bought a mango smoothie and four chocolate pastries thank you very much. And by the time I got to work, sorted out my hair, put on my heels and did my makeup I felt like I had grown back up 30 years. Which was handy because I’m employed to do a job that a tantrummy 6 year old isn’t that good at.
And then, what a surprise, today was a good day.
Such that, by a random chain of events, I’m suddenly the photographer for a massive party at the Assembly Hall tonight, which I’m actually looking forward to.
I even dance round the office to these happy tunes. It’s Friday night isn’t it?
Ha. And it’s day 30.
Myriad 